Lockdown in the UK: A Cute Satire

Boris went and did it again, didn’t he? LOCKDOWN. He loves that word. To add to the spooky element of Halloween on the 31st of October, he announced with sheer grandiose the new lockdown measures which came into effect on the 3rd of November. From the looks of it, this lockdown is about to come to its demise early December. Yet, ironically, people still had complaints regarding the measures. Again. 10 Downing Street’s not having a good time, I reckon. Let’s see what all this commotion is about.

For those of you who were unaware about it (and fair play to you), the UK government announced its first lockdown in March with implementation measures being strict to a gathering of only 2. A few months later, on 1st June, these measures were eased to allow a maximum of 6 in a gathering with appropriate social distancing responsibilities borne according to each individual’s discretion.


With the new measures being about the same as the previous one, whereby it might revert to the tiered system soon enough, there have been rising ridicules and revolting reservations regarding the rules. Here are a few of them.

GYMS ARE STILL CLOSED. What’s up with that? There’s only so much you can do with those “At Home 10-minute workouts.”


This took a bad eye to most of the public since quarantine has somehow inspired people to be a part of the fitness regime like a typical Buzzfeed Body Transformation ad. You would see your neighbour who you and the sun haven’t seen in 3 months go out for a jog. That’s horrifying when you know you spent quarantine binging what-not. As for gyms, it’s not like people rushed back in, did they? Wait. One sec, brb.

“What?”      “The elderly did”   “Are you serious?”      “Yeah”       “You mean-“ “Yep”       “…”        “Senior Gymshark deals go brrrrrr”

Anyways, schools and universities are still open. As in, students are actually told to sit and attend classes in full fledge at certain schools. This is a huge concern taking into account that it’s prevalent in that crowd to not wear a mask for peculiar reasons that is beyond the scope of this article. Gatherings of 6 are nothing when you’re sitting for lunch in schools in the UK, so I’ve heard. As for universities, you expect them to have a good sense of their surroundings, implying that they take more precautions than some daredevils out there.

Nevertheless, amongst all these hurdles and tears shed, lockdown is what it is. They did it once, they’ll do it again. I’m too tired and biased to give the pros of lockdown; go ask The Guardian, Telegraph and BBC for the details. I mean, it’s not like you care. The Netherlands seems to do better in my eyes. Well, for the icing to this cake, here are a few words on this topic from the people out there. Enjoy!

 “An Absurdist Satire of Uncaring Bureaucracy”     
 - u/GranadaReport 

“Take me back to the days of 7k. Simpler times”    
 - u/tulsehill

“I’ve reached the: Going into my closet and telling my clothes I miss them stage of quarantine” 
- @pro_worrier_ 

“You know you’re deep into quarantine life when a recipe calls for 5 eggs and you reply OH HELL NO”    
- @TheNextMartha

About this article

Written by:
  • Ishan Bhowmik
| Published on: Dec 06, 2020