Have you ever been in a discussion with someone where you feel like nothing is actually moving? It seems as though your argument consists of simply repeating yourself while the other person seems to be talking past you. How do you get out, or preferably, prevent this stalemate entirely? That’s what we’ll be looking into today!
Semantics
Let’s talk about probably the most important aspect of a conversation. Semantics! What words do you use to describe the concepts you’re referring to? Every word has a different connotation based on what context someone has seen the word used in. It is a common fallacy to state that dictionaries dictate how a word should be used, in reality, dictionaries simply record how a word is commonly used. When you hear something shocking from your conversation partner, assume the best and ask them to clarify what they mean with the words they used. Maybe they had something completely different in mind!
Good Faith
Whenever you’re in a discussion it is important to keep arguing in good faith. That means genuinely trying to understand what your conversation partner is trying to say and responding by using appropriate logical steps. But what if you believe your conversation partner is not acting in good faith? Do they change their point depending on how easy it is to defend? Get them to specify what it is they are defending, your job as a critic is simply to argue against that, not to explain why you are still critical. Despite saying all this, it is of course not your duty to argue with someone. If they keep arguing in bad faith even if you call it out, then the productive thing might just be leaving them be. Maybe they’ll still end up thinking about your words and come around at a later time!
Tone
Nobody wants to feel like they are in a court hearing! Conversation does not just consist of saying true and logical statements to each other until one is convinced. It also matters if people care about your conclusions and if they find that you are worth listening to.
In conclusion, the only real way to get better at having productive discussions is to have a lot of them with a lot of different people. Don’t be afraid to say something stupid, that’s how you learn to know better!